Enough

As I wander down this road, this path that God has chosen for me I often rebel and that causes great pain to my God first and then to myself and those around me. There's nothing grand in wishy washiness, nothing at all, it's all about betrayal and forgetting who I am and who I belong to and who I represent here on earth. Over and over for the past fourteen years I've stood firm then fallen, stood firm then fallen. I've had times when I was on fire for the Lord and His mission for my life, then I've had times of deliberate and disgusting acts of sin and rebellion. I've been a wayward goat, wandering around with no direction home, my eyes fixed firmly on the world and myself...no more.

I want to be true to my Savior, I want to stay the path and fulfill the calling He's given me to be an evangelist. I'm sick and tired of bailing on His call on my life, I'm fed up with my double-minded ways and lack of faith. It's time to let God be Lord over my life, it's time for me to surrender and stay surrendered on a minute by minute basis and never let go of my dear Savior's hand. It's time for Jason to die for "He must increase, but I must decrease."


God help me.