This morning while listening to Nicole C. Mullen sing "My Redeemer Lives" the tears of gratitude and joy started rolling down my face; I opened my arms, lifted my hands, looked up and whispered over and over "I give You my life, I give you my life, I give you my life." And I meant it. With everything that's in me I meant it.

I am at a place in my life where it is imperative that I embrace my pain, my suffering. I've been lonely since my divorce, and not living daily with my three children has been incredibly difficult...incredibly difficult. At times I have sought to fill the void with temporary and fleeting gods that lead to sinning against my Lord and Savior and abandoning His call on my life to preach. And that is tragic. Yet God's grace is bigger than my horrible decisions, and He loves me in spite of my betrayal. And that is amazing.

O how I love Jesus,
O how I love Jesus,
O how I love Jesus,
Because He first loved me!

"Follow Me" and "whoever loses his life for my sake" are the two sayings most repeated by Christ in the gospels. Strength and courage used to be my battle cry, but now I am learning more and more that it's love and self-denial that wins the day. 


My goodness it is so incredibly difficult not to worship on the altar of self. We are taught it's all about me, me, me and it takes a tremendous amount of prayer and submission to remain in God's light of truth and holiness. Who do you worship? Don't attempt to answer too quickly, the answer to this question requires meditation and time alone with God, for we have many more idols than we care to admit. 

As for me I am slowly gaining the wisdom that renunciation of self and love for God and my neighbors is key to knocking me off my throne. I have been worshiping at the altar of me for far too long, and now it's time to turn away from self and give preeminent prominence to the one who has saved me from bondage and death, the Lord Jesus Christ. May I from this moment on never fail to worship Him and Him only, and forever glorify His holy name in all that I do.